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End of Life

Leaving a Legacy

Our legacy is what survives after we are gone. Many parents envision their children as their most precious legacy gift to the world.

If you are a parent with cancer, you might like to create a legacy gift for your children that can be enjoyed after you are gone. One way to think about a legacy gift is to think of it as an “intergenerational” gift—one that passes something of value from one generation to the next. Sometimes these gifts are designed to help a child to continue to feel a deceased parent’s love, but these same gifts can be treasured when shared during a parent’s long life.

Guiding principles for legacy gifts

  • Be as fair as possible. Acknowledge each of your children as equally as you are able. Do not leave one child to feel more or less loved than another.
  • Make a loving connection. The gift should promote your child’s sense of being well loved and well known by you.
  • Select an item of significance. Pass on something that helps communicate what you value—this could be a letter, photo album, recipe book, item of jewelry, piece of furniture, or a collection of something.
  • Explain the meaning of your gift. Accompany the gift with an explanation of why the item has been special to you and why you want your child to have it or know your thoughts about it.
  • Create a personal context. If you are writing a letter to your child, consider including the characteristics you see in your child that you especially appreciate and sharing a parenting experience that is dear to you.
  • Model what you love. If you are sharing something you have loved using, such as your drafting tools, art supplies sewing box or fishing rod, share a specific memory attached to their use and consider how your experience with it is a model of what you want your child to find in his or her life such as an opportunity for self-expression, the satisfaction of building something from scratch, the pleasure of time in nature, or a connection to the people you love.
  • Develop living touchstones. Consider putting together a list of the people who have known you well at different times in your life. Ask them if they would be willing to be available to your child in the future, if your child wants to learn more about you when you can no longer answer those questions yourself.
  • Share yourself in the details. Put together a collection of your favorites. This could be your top-ten list of books, movies, cities, or musical pieces or a combination of one or two favorites in many categories. Add a few sentences to personalize your lists to say why a favorite is a favorite.